Whites Dominate Pitchfork’s Best New Music List Again

Hipster Racism — Pitchfork.com.

Hipster Racist

Whites Dominate Pitchfork’s Best New Music List Again

Special Advertorial Feature Exclusively for HipsterRacist

With just a splash of diversity to provide some plausible deniability, white bands have once again dominated Pitchfork.com’s best new music list, as usual. Pitchfork.com is GroundZero of Hipster Racism in the modern music world. Pitchfork.com was, in fact, hipster racist before it was cool.

While the Illuminati Masters of the music industry force Pitchfork.com to include mainstream “music” like Jay-Z, the real draw are the white bands. White bands like Speedy Ortiz, currently promoting their newest label release, Major Arcana and These New Puritans’ latest, Field of Reeds.

As a hipster racist, I feel unrepresented by the mainstream music industry. Pitchfork.com understands my implicit whiteness and exclusive racial tastes.

The Preatures, Sydney’s cycleswing combo earns a mention for Is This How You Feel while Scandanavia’s Annie earns their Nazi Pop…

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10 Responses to Whites Dominate Pitchfork’s Best New Music List Again

  1. LOL I’m gonna get sued.

  2. Snake says:

    I subscribed to Vice because reading it online is mainstream. My coffee table is now ironic and self-aware.

    • And what do you know, vice.com has “Monarch Mind Control in Pop Music” on their front page, published yesterday.

      Where’s my fucking royalty check? I am Hipster Racist, I set the trends!

  3. Maureen Martin, Povertarian Colony Queen says:

    Haha my oldest daughter must be a hipster as she was into the old camera thing like the blond chick. I think she has moved on to other weird things now though. By the time there’s a video out about a trend, it’s actually over.

    • Vintage cameras and abandoning a trend before it hits the mainstream?

      Maureen, I need to tell you something. Are you sitting down?

      Your daughter is a hipster.

      • I’m the proud mother of a hipster! Hopefully she will also be a racist soon. 🙂

        Was that ironic….hmmmm

        Even funnier, to me at least, my younger daughter has been calling ME a Hipster for years because I’m so out of style. :0

        The most recent thing my oldest daughter has been doing is collecting very old medical devices, most of them known to be quakery. She was also into the theramin for a while. She and a friend used to “exercise” throwing one of those big medicine balls back and forth.

  4. Let’s see. MW says we should all start local agriculture, process raw food at home, and otherwise live in a “world made by hand.” I think MW even said he likes riding a fixed gear bike.

    Huh. I wonder if there’s anything else in the culture like that? Hmm…

    “Remember the 90s when everyone was pickling their own vegetables and brewing their own beer? Everyone was knitting and sewing clothes for their children? People rode streetcars and inconvenient gearless bicycles that hurt your back?”

    “Wait, are we talking about the 1990s?”

    “No, the 1890s. People turned their backs on huge corporate monopolies to support local businesses. Microbrew or die. Remember when kids grew up to be artisan bakers? In Portland, everyone raises their own chickens and cures their own meat!”

    “I thought that died out 120 years ago?”

    “Not in Portland!”

    Might as well call it HipstersInRagnarok.

    • mindweapon says:

      Hahaha, Hipsters in Ragnarok! I like it!

      Hipsterism is a response to End Times, to Latter Days. A nice, gentle, typically White response. But other kinds of responses are also waiting in the wings.

      I don’t like fixed gear bikes, I like recumbents. My ideal would be a recumbent utility trike like at lightfootcycles.com used to deliver mail and groceries and packages, after a morning of working in the garden. I dream of a White localized economy with a low carbon footprint and artisan food and artisan likker and one room schoolhouses of White children and informal universities supported by community voluntary donation, investing in their racial kin.

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